I Just Want To Write A Book…

“I just want to write a book, publish it, and hold it in my hands and know that I wrote it–I made it. I don’t care if anyone reads it. If they do, great! If not, it doesn’t matter, because I wrote a freaking book!”

I said that a lot while writing The Call of Chaos. I said it even more while editing the book. Editing is often a painful endeavor and it requires more encouragement sometimes. It became a mantra of sorts–words to live by. I would do this, and then I would bask in the awesomeness and enjoy it. It was my goal.

It was also a lie. A big, fat “the cake is a” lie. Sure, it’s what I thought I wanted. No, it definitely was part of what I wanted. But I was mistaken in thinking that it was all that I wanted.

I had psyched myself up for that moment when The Call of Chaos was finally published. It was literally all I thought about for over a year. And do you know what happened when I pushed that button–the button that officially published my first book?

Everything. And Nothing.

You see, the end became the beginning. Oh, sure, The Call of Chaos was out there, ready for hungry readers to buy. Make no mistake, I absolutely was not expecting to sell thousands of copies instantly or, really ever. I haven’t really kept track but, I know that the numbers are nowhere near even a fraction of “thousands of copies.”

You see, when the writing, the editing, and the publishing end, the self-promotion begins. Being an indie author has its ups and downs, and self-promotion–at least for me–is a huge down. I don’t enjoy marketing, selling, or shouting my name to the sky. I’m awful at it. The moment self-promotion enters the fray, the process becomes work, and that sours everything.

Add to that, my second book, The Coming Storm, was already well on its way to being finished and I was, at the time, even working on the third book (and still am).

Holy crap! When will I have time to sit back and relax and enjoy the fact that I WROTE A DAMNED BOOK!!!???

The answer, unfortunately, is never.

Because I want more from my writing than just holding that book in my hands. I want to hold ALL THE BOOKS in my hands and, most important of all, I want those hungry readers to enjoy my work.

And that is a never-ending struggle. All of my endings become beginnings.

So here’s to all you writers out there. Write on!